Alvidaaaaaaaa.............

chupake se kahin, dheeme paanv se
jaane kis taraf, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye hamse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi the yahin
kuchh bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvida..

Always in your life, at different stages..at different phases...at different moments..you come across songs which actually seem to translate into music your exact state of mind & thought!Always there are those 'few' songs which seem to speak the 'unspoken' realities of your life. Not neccesarily the timing of the song coincides with the timing of your life's 'happenings' though.

Well i've just found out..recent revelation of sorts...that I actually am hooked on to this song....hence this teeny meeny post! :)

A new beginning..

This is a new beginning. A brand new chapter has been opened in my life! I dont know how to react. This was totally unexpected, not that I would'nt have ventured into this part of life, but cause this was not the place I had expected myself to be in.



A month ago, at a cross-section, I made a choice, a choice to let go of 1 thing, in anticipation of achieving something else.



There were 2 things that needed to be taken care of, now that 1 has been, the other remains. I know I should now get started, but somehow I am constantly giving myself time, which I know is slipping away fast.



Now that I think that things r running as planned, all I need to do is concentrate a biy and just go for it.

To miss you or not....

This is a strange time...not only am I about to get away from the people I've literally lived with 24/7 for the last 4 years but also the people I've lived with for the whole of my life!! This is a weird feeling...Just about a month back I was just too excited about the prospects of living alone..more than that the idea of letting the 'independent me' take control of life seemed a real exciting prospect. But last few days, I have been getting those sleepless nights, wondering how good a life will I lead without the regular 'rok tok' of folks at home!!

Actually more than thinking about how easy or difficult the adjustment is gonna be there for me, there are two aspects that have been giving me these sleepless nights! I have absolutely no clue as to how many people in my position actually feel the way I am at this point fo time...I really am new to this 'pack your bags' cult!

The first thing is- How will I be able to take this whole thing of not being able to see my family every single day??It is difficult for me to imagine that I'll just have to satisfy myself with their voice everyday (It goes iwthout saying that we'll be talking every day, many times!!). This whole arrangement is even more difficult for me knowing how I have spent my 22 years of life!! Everyone used to be amused when I could just tell, pure intuition, when my dad would knock on the door, and I was always spot on! I still remember when I was in class 3 or 4, my sixth sense was not that good at that point of time, strike 6 and I was out patrolling on the roads, wondering when dad would be back home..waiting..Dad and me have always shared that perfect relationship..I just dont remember even a singe day when I've had to 'not speak' to him. He is just perfect. The idea of having to stay without him even for a week at a stretch has never been entertained by my senses.

Mum and me share an extremely spicy relationship :) 1 thing I keep thinking about when I think of this 'staying alone' thing is that who will give me my 'much needed' cup of tea as soon as I am back from office. I've just got too used to a royal treatment as soon as I come home- be it from school, college or anywhere! Mum and food, they just go together. I just hope I dont starve there, cause no one but my mum can put up with my tantrums!

This family of mine can just not be complete without the mention of this 1 person...She sure has guessed it by now...yes its YOU! Well, I really dont want to ponder on what kind of relationship we've had- its too complex! The thing is that, barring the last 1 year, She's been out of home for almost 6 years..hence it 'would have been' easier to get away without having to miss her too much, but last 1 year or so, there's been a lot happening to make sure I miss her too. Actually its funny I cant tyhink of a single good thing that I'll miss about her ;) oh off course I'll miss her pasta treat :p I'll miss a lot of things, be it our fights or our late night riyaaz sessions...A lot!!

I am in such a fix right now, I have no idea what I want more at this point of time-Is it that I want to stay here or I am ok with going away..I dont know!!

Song from the heart..

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.

We've known each other since we're nine or ten.

Together we climbed hills or trees.

Learned of love and ABC's,

skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die,

when all the birds are singing in the sky,

Now that the spring is in the air.

Pretty girls are everywhere.

When you see them I'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.

But the hills that we climbed

were just seasons out of time.

Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me,

I was the black sheep of the family.

You tried to teach me right from wrong.

Too much wine and too much song,wonder how I get along.

Goodbye, Papa, it's hard to die

when all the birds are singing in the sky,

Now that the spring is in the air.

Little children everywhere.

When you see them I'll be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.

But the wine and the song,like the seasons, all have gone.

Goodbye, Michelle, my little one.

You gave me love and helped me find the sun.

And every time that I was down

you would always come around

and get my feet back on the ground.

Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to die

when all the bird are singing in the sky,

Now that the spring is in the air.

With the flowers ev'rywhere.

I whish that we could both be there.

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.

But the stars we could reach

were just starfishs on the beach...

-Seasons in the sun
Terry Jacks

With love..

Hi..

After what seems like ages, I find the equipment to mail!!! Well I just read this 'diary entry' of mine, written on 1 rainy day!! The day it was raining 'buffaloes' :)

You know after meeting you all today, the feeling was strange i.e once I bid you all goodbye! Remember while you were leaving today,Shashank, I said to you that this feeling of 'parting' has not yet sunk in??But now when I read one old mail and as I am writing this mail, somehow I am feeling a little nostalgic. I dont know whether or not nostalgic is the right word but I am feeling not that happy.

Till now I am not sure whether or not I'll b moving over to Mumbai, as in even though my suitcase is all packed, literally, even then I cant be 100% sure 'bout going till the time I step into Mumbai Rajdhani! But even then, its like I am feeling that somehow the ease with which we have been used to calling each other over, thats a different thing that our 'meetings' take ages to mature, wont be there now. Not that we wont be willing to meet, but even though we'll be more willing than ever, we wont be able to!

Looking back, even though it might sound cliched, 2003 seems like just this very year! Time genuinely flies by!! I cant say about others, but it did in our case atleast!

Its weird...I can write really long mails but at this point of time, I really seem to have lost my ability to write. All I can do right this very moment is think-think about all the times that we've spent together, that technically means 24/7!! Seriously, am thinking about our lunch breaks...our laughs....our 'dont talk to me days'...our 'speak up' days...our mail days...our,well, your 'making fun of me' days....everything!!

Even though some 2 months back I was all for leaving this college, this place...well the 'freedom singh' in me was calling to me ;) but today I want us to be together just some time more...I want to be a part of this famous 9 bandwagon for a just a little bit longer...

This is coming straight from the heart-I dont want to leave you all and go!! I genuinely dont! Lets start up our own company, lets do anything but stay together!!

Is it too soon to feel this way???But I am already missing everyone as though today was our last day together, even though 2 ppl were missing...Really missed both of you...honestly..

Slowly all will be gone, and we'll all be left to ourselves, thats something I absolutely dont want but cant help!

Guys dont forget me...just remember, no matter how bad I have been, I've always loved 'us'.

Oh and yes, I would like to appolozise for everything, big and small, intentional (though I assure you there have been none) and unintentional things that I have done that might have hurt any of you, even in the slightest. I am extremely and genuienly sorry for all that.

I truely hope to remain in your lives for sure, and if I just have to be in your thoughts, would like to be a part of your 'happy memories'.

Miss you all..

Always remember a part of my prayers, everyday, will be reserved for each one of you respectively!! You'll always be with me!

Love

Tagged!!

Sharad tagged me a long time back...Finally my reply!!!:)

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
Not a scar actually, but on my forehead, rather head, fell down from my tricycle...got a mark...I was just auditioning for Dhoom2 I suppose!![;)]

2. What is on the walls in your room?
Nothing

3. What does your phone look like?
A blue Nokia.

4. What music do you listen to?
Anything and everything....

5. What is your current desktop picture?
Family pictures arranged in a collage

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
A tension free mind.

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Believe???Its about individual preferences...hat say do I have in it!!!??

8. What time were you born?
8:40 a.m

9. Are your parents still together?
Jes

10. What are you listening to?
The sound of my ceiling fan.

12. The last person to make you cry?
Hmmmm....Thought enough about it..lets skip the question!

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
Perfume???err...maybe adidas sports deo!

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
Ummmmm....I'd prefer light eyes....but....I think this is the last thing I'll focus my attention on!

15. Do you like pain killers?
Like???Its a neccessity sometimes!

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
I've not asked ne1 out yet, hence..Dont knw!

17. Fave pizza topping?
Recently I've started liking lot of cheese, bell pepper, probablby a bit of baby corn and olives-black.

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Definitely what I just described in question 17!!

19. Who was the last person you made mad?
I dont knw!!Not many people can make me mad!!:)

20. Is anyone in love with you?
Errrr.....I dont knw...but I'd like to think yes!:)


Ah...finally over!:)

Part II..

Fighting the 'deadly' cold, m here writing Part II of my unfinished post!

Flying past the next 1-1 1/2 yrs or so, I apparrate directly into my 5th semester..Fresh from a lot of emotional drama in life, this semester began with new aspirations, new promises, new thoughts, new hopes..all me to me! I guess this was the time when I truely started to feel a change in myself, and today, am pretty happy about however it has moulded me!

The whole of this semester was fun, I as such don't remember any incident when I particularly felt anything negative, though am sure there must have been many, but me not able to recall any does put an 'unimportant' tag on them! During this phase of college, I guess all of, not just me, became more involved, more connected!

Actually this was the time when I made friends with people who are totally different. No two people resemble each other in the least-ok probably m exaggerating a bit here, but genuinely we all re very different, in every respect!
No specific memories or instances that I want to pen down, but surely this was 1 very important semester for teh 'gelling and bonding'.

6th semester began with a bang! Actually after 5th semester I probably started losing interested in keeping track of semesters, though I was forced to everytime a december or a may came! But as such, I started living for the moment more than anything else! By the time 5th semester ended, late night chats had gained momentum, life suddenly was so busy for all!

Then came 11th April 2006, I got placed! I dont clerly remember how I felt then, must have felt great! But I guess, I was just happy-plain and simple, nothing else, not euphoric or ecstatic or anything, just happy! Probably not getting selected alone, was more happy or satisfying a thought than getting placed! Companies, placements,friends,fights-teeny meeny ones, thats how the semester ended. It was a 'happy' semester!

Then came the final year! But before college started, I can never forget my few days at HCL Infinet, Noida. Jesus Christ!! Those days..I dont think I can write anything, its hard to control my laughter!! The whole post will be ruined cause I wont be able to stop once I start laughing :) :) It was fun but!

Ah then started something that has probably taken most of our 4th year's time, most of our time for the past 9 months or so..CSC!! That is one place that taught me a lot-both professionally and personally! I think I realised a lot of things there, which probably I would'nt have otherwise, or maybe I would have-The point is, it did teach me a lot of things! That probably would take up another two posts here, so I'll leave it here-That place, CSC, was an experience!

But now that CSC is over, college is almost over-except for the all important papers, I Think, just like school my college life was divided into the good, the bad and the ugly, with the 'good' part dominating and thats what is satisfying!

In anticipation of a sequel...

End-of-partII

Part I..

August 3, 2003

Where do I start from? I guess when you go to Gr. Noida everyday, you must begin from the begining..

I vividly remenber that bus ride from 37 to college with mum..gosh I know how scared I was that time...not cause that it was my 1st day to coll, but cause of the kinda buses I saw I had to travel by every day! Somehow we reached college..on time for 'orientation'...which never happened by the way!

I was dressed in normal jeans and a shirt..which turned out to be the 'out of uniform' style for college! Me and Shruti probably had this 1 thing in common that day, and thank god for that!

Day 1 was kind of ok...met a few seniors, who actually took care of me and was lucky enough to be ragged by a single guy, who probably just found an excellent listener in me, for all he did was speak about how I should approach college life..bla..bla..bla... Shruti had a far more interesting day than I...am sure she will concur!

That was a day when I met so many people, some of whom I did manage to stay on with till date, some who just came, met and went....and further some, who were there for a good period of time!

The next day, I met more people....again the same old story...Its fate..how you meet....how u connect...how you stay together....all the ups and down included...you still manage to hang on!

Those days...they were fun..when you look back now....

I think I would just fly past the next year or so....not cause the memories are not good...but cause they are too complicated to express and too 'with me only' to write!

--end-of-PartI--

Friends....

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

No more hanging out cause we're on a different track

And if you got something that you need to say

You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down

These memories are playing like a film without sound

And I keep thinking of that night in June

I didn't know much of loveBut it came too soon

And there was me and you

And then we got real blue

Stay at home talking on the telephone

We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared

Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

And this is how it feels

As we go onWe remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

Come WhateverWe will still be

Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?

Will we still remember everything we learned in school?

Still be trying to break every single rule

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?

Will Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

And this is how it feels

We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there?

Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this would never end

And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?

Will these memories fade when I leave this townI keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly!!

Ghost of christmas past..

It is kind of strange how, all of a sudden, things from the past just creep up, in different forms, and make you realise how you have lost touch with your essence!

Its been four complete years since I left school, but even now the memories are as fresh as they can be..just that I had stopped thinking about my life then...stopped thinking about my friends then..stopped thinking about me then!

Thinking about it all, it seems to me just like yesterday, when a class of 2003, all chirpy and excited to finally get out of school and step into an absolutely "happening" college life, were running here and there, getting their shirts, diaries, papers (whatever they could lay their hands on) autographed! None of us had anticipated where we would land up 4 years down the line! Today, thinking about everyone, from people I was friends with to people I hardly talked to, everyone seems (or so I hope) to be doing really well.

4 years later, I have had my share of "gelled friends"...a few lost contacts....a few revived ones...and 1 lost forever kinds!

It is weird that even after so many years, I some how feel more connected to the "unconnected", probably cause that time I was more close to "me". Things have changed so much, and still I crave for that "me". Strange!

4 years back, we entered a world without Scholarly Papers or Culminating Exhibitions; a world where we could use our cell phones freely, do whatever we wanted...bunk lectures..sit in the canteen for hours together...eat our lunch even before we had our 1st lecture.. But there are so many things that I miss about that Old World even today, though am not exactly clear about what I miss the most.. Maybe I miss going to school early or that third period teacher who would always let us turn in our assignments late. It might be that coach that never let us quit and always pushed us to our limits... or is it walking with my best friend to class everyday. Whatever it may be, I left that place with something that I will miss and cherish, today and forever, even if I don't fully realize what that is even today.

Funny, I am about to graduate and instead of thinking about my 4 years in college, I still seem to miss my school even today. I can still write a farewell speech for school!

The cat-and-dog weather!!

" Kitni achi si -feeling- nai aati, jab halki halki barish ki boonde hum par girti hain!! Vo bheeni bheeni saundhi si khushboo..vo halke halke boondo ka girna..vo dheere dheere bheegna...bheegte bheegte kisi ped k neeche khade rehna...aadhe gheele se...aadhe sukhe se..dheere dheere dur tak chalna....bus chalte hi jaana.."

I have always been fascinated with rains...the sound of droplets outside your window pane...the song it sings....the general feeling it brings...the way it washes away all your worries and problems...the way it makes sure that all you can concentrate on is "it" and nothing else....the magic it weaves around...

The bracing feel of the drizzle as it touchs our skin..the intoxicating smell...its all so electrifying...so magical..

Probably I am not the only one who cant resist playing in the rain..a slight drizzle is enough to make me sopntaneously get on my feet and step out of the safe dry confines of a room!! The whole thing is just so magical...

wish it rained more often...wished it was raining at this very moment...this post could then wait till my thirst was quentched..ah an absurd thought!! :)

The Solitary Reaper

Behold her, single in the field,

Yon solitary Highland Lass!

Reaping and singing by herself;

Stop here, or gently pass!

Alone she cuts and binds the grain,

And sings a melancholy strain;

O listen! for the Vale profound

Is overflowing with the sound.

No Nightingale did ever chaunt

More welcome notes to weary bands

Of travellers in some shady haunt,

Among Arabian sands:

A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard

In spring-time from the Cuckoo-bird,

Breaking the silence of the seas

Among the farthest Hebrides.

Will no one tell me what she sings?--

Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow

For old, unhappy, far-off things,

And battles long ago:

Or is it some more humble lay,

Familiar matter of to-day?

Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,

That has been, and may be again?

Whate'er the theme, the Maiden sang

As if her song could have no ending;

I saw her singing at her work,

And o'er the sickle bending;

I listened, motionless and still;

And, as I mounted up the hill

The music in my heart I bore,

Long after it was heard no more.

-- William Wordsworth

The tongue that slips..oops...actually the Face that slips!!

For the first time my words seem to fail me!! I really cant make up my mind, rather "words", so as to explain what I wanna say but as always, even though the words have left my side....my expressions remain intact!!

The expressions donot and can never fail you rather they always come in handy to fill in the gaps and complete the jigsaw puzzle of thoughts!!

Am sure there are people around-atleast one of them I am absolutely sure of, who will completely agree with me here when I say- Expressions speak louder than words!! :)

Today just thinking about writing something, I realised that even after so many blog posts I had not yet acknowledged my "forever mine" friend and hence this one thankyou note is just for "him"-My dear Expression!! :)
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[Blank spaces were for all the different expressions on my face right now!!]

:)