The year that was.........

29th December 2006

Effectively 57 hrs 45 minutes for this year to end....and a brand new sun to rise!!

Here I am looking back at a year that has turned my life upside down or downside up..whichever way you wanna call it!! Strange it is that I dont remember anything before October 2006...as if the year just began after that!! No doubt there were a lot of things that happened...u know this life never ceases to amuse me!!But come October and I was taken on a rollercoater ride that I never bargained for!!!

The last 3 months have been full of drama....good, bad and the ugly!! The ugly being predominant!! I dont know where to start evaluating the year from..rather how to evaluate the year...the year that was...!!

lets start with the good (not much to write so will be easy to evaluate):
Job
New friends
Recognition: I would not lie but being in the "limelight" does have its flipside no doubt but is not that bad either!!
No point discussing each one in detail...have written a lot about it already!![:)]

Now comes the bad:

[Lets not open up the Pandora's box....too many things...some small some big....still trying to make them a little better!!]


The ugly:
Actually its a little confusing....whether its ugly or the ugliest!!! This year has been probably the worst of my life!! So many things have changed..so many things that have made me so wary of everthing..everyone...My faith shook at richter scale of probably 10!! Trust was no where to be found!!Loss was all that gave me company!! This year..there was no summer sun and no winter warmth but a cold silent air all around me...The colour was all grey...no pastels...no pinks...no blues....I woudnt shy away from telling "orange" how much I missed it!!

The year has almost ended..and I look up...and tell that guy sitting up there..that there is someone down below who really reans his care and support....someone who's tired now and wants the new year to mark the beggining of a new life.....a bright new life!!

Can't really wait for this year to end....Let this sun set....and let all the worries "set" with it!!

Happy New Year!!

One who NEVER can manage to remember the songs!!

He's always made me wonder-"how can u n ot remember songs that you like"?? I mean HOW!!

Jesus!! Thats the 1st thing that comes to my mind besides the "Topi"...He is the "topi" guy...and recently had become the "FM guy" as well just that "uska bhai ka pyar jaag utha!!"[;)]...so now he's the "topi" guy only!!

I think 2006 has been very eventful for me!!We were friends before as well...just that the kind of friendship that we share now...its just evolved!!

Guess it'll keep evolving now that we've landed up with a job at the same place as well...well i.e if I join!![;)]

the bus rides together....the fun that we have in class...my trying to corner him everytime...its been such a "highlight" of the year!! Hey and I am really happy and proud of the fact that because I asked him to...he atleast tried getting rid of a few things....slmost successfully!![:)] (Even if its not so...I dont wanna burst my bubble!![;)])

Oh and now that I have mentiond "something I dont like about you" column for everyone...I dont want you to feel left out!![:)]...Ok so something that I dont like about you...hmmmm....yes...the way you always tease me (seriously or jokingly..whichever way it is) for not taking out time for coffees and movies!!and always "being busy"...IT IS NOT SO...The reasons I give are always so VALID!!..sachi....[:)]

Hey and thanks for always standing up for me....when some "unfortunate" incidents keep happening with me!![:)]...By the way this THANKYOU is for the 2 people I've already written about as well.......!!!

Happy 2007.....and let your resolution be to remember atleast some good lyrics!![:)]

Vanakkam.Nallarikke-Nalla Irukken -My linguistic "guru" is gonna be so proud!!

Again its about someone who's entry was so very sudden...as sudden and as "unexpected" as the tsunami!!(Just adding a litlle dramatic touch to it!![:)])

It all started with something that I dont even knonw whether to categorise as a fight or misunderstanding or what!!But "Hail orkut" and its "publically" visible scraps and not to forget "my long forgotten" habit of "helping" people with movies and songs and actors!!!

A little misunderstanding...the intervention of our such "peace loving" audience....The exchange of cards...Teeny meeny "sorrys" here and there...and two "bright little" kids finding themselves in a brand new relationship!!taadaaaaaaaaa........(How dramatic can I be!!!!)

Anyway...so this is how we became friends...n now...how much we talk..gosh....I am fully "self aare" in the sense that I am a born "talker" but the other person here was always "viewed" as someone so quite and "self contained"...looks always are deceptive...they always are my friends...always!!

Combined "message" studies....and we end our semester!! And I think the "combined studies" did help....dont you think so???

Oh and how can I forget to mention my "growing" vocab of Tamil!! "Suma irida you paei"..[:D] I am telling you...even I can be a good teacher..start learning!! The language lessonos have sure given me and Shashank new "weapons"..[:)]

And do I need to tell this to Mani sir and Rehman sir...what an ardent fan they have???Err...I think I'll leave this matter untouched....cause if I start....the post will go on and on and on....[:)]

But one thing I absolutely "HATE"....the negative attitude!!! Oh comeon.....It doesnot matter whether you are O+ve or not....all that matters is that you "B+ve" always!!![:)]

Enjoy every moment.....and always B+ve!!

How "melodramatic" can I be!!![;)]

We are here by "choice" & not by "compulsion"

Well now i need to be very cautious and particular about my punctuations and grammar and spelling!! Dont create a hue n cry if its wrong or if i use some words "outta context"..[:)]

I dont know what brought us together...really....but it was some force that was missing for so long and all of a sudden-bang- there it comes and -pat- we are friends!! Dont you think this is how we became friends!!??!!?? (A few more exclamations and question marks just to emphasize my point!!!!)

It was this year only...not very long back...when I realised that there was someone else as crazy n "notorious" (rather even better than me at all such things) as me!! Who could give "me" a run for my money when it comes to "expressing" something!!

Its not that we have ever been "enemies" but never had shared what we share now!! This guy that I a talking about "looks" sophisticated and all but....B U T....Jesus Christ....when he comes to his "natural self"!!!!!!!!!!(I can already hear someone say-How Rude!!)

Somewhat lazy but an amazing "planner".....Really I mean it! So what the plans are rarely implemented but you plan really well u know!![;)] We've been working on one proj and hv had millions of "brainstorming" sessions and I am sure WE will DELIVER an absolutely AMAZING product!!![:)]..I have full faith in his "implementation" capabilities!![:)]

Sometimes I wonder...how do we manage to find someone who is so very like us....in almost everything!! Its an amazing feeling...really...errr.....amazing cause I am so great to have found such people!![;)]...just kidding...hey i wonder have i said "Thank you" lately???well Thank You...for eveything!! I think at this point of time we are the only two people who are trying to balance out everything!![;)]...and we have not been doing a bad job at it!!have we???

I hope we stick around for long....actually we will...just that we even work together etc...I hope its not an elusive thought!! I just hope!!

Its been wonderful knowing you...though I know there's a lot yet to discover!!

Hey I forgot....there something I really really hate you for- RUINING MY COMMENTS!!!

[:)]

Have a great year........with "us"

Thrz nthng like 'u n i' -just read it somewhere!!

Well not sure how to start actually am not just thinking where to start from but also what to write...and as I think I write...oh what a deadly combination this is..[;)]

The last post was about one friend and I guess i've started getting into this habit of writing about people...people close to me and people I cherish!![:)]...Well nothing wrong in that...right??? Well i've "Decided" to end this year with "My Thoughts about people".

Lets start with people who frequent this place...hey and no names this time...I know you'll know who you are!![;)]

Well.....This guy has actually got me into a real bad habit-writing long,unending mails!! And this has not started a year or so ago but 6 long years back!! Why did you do this??What fun was it..huh???

Na.....I think i've rediscovered myself-a million times i.e!!

It all started as a casual "hi-hello" thing-the was it always is...we are normal u c!! We exchanged e-mail ids....and bang....we found each other writing a minimum of 2-3 or even more, mails every day!!come back from school log on to net and bang a mail!!! It was fun...it sure was...but what was "funny" was the fact that we never really commmunicated face to face!! It was all mails!!

We got to knw about our likes..our dislikes...what turns us on wht turns us off...the regular -"slam-book" stuff...this continued till we realized what had we been nurturing all this while!!! And when we did realise that...it was beautiful (Was it not??) and still continues to be beautiful!!

While I am writing all this i am re-lining all the moments!! and its such a pleasurable ride down the memory lany...esp when I am who is driving!!

I have always cherished "us" and I know I'll continue doing so...for the rest of my life!! Its been an amazing journey....there surely is nothing like 'u n i'....we rock!![:)]

For You....

This one post is totally..competely..fully dedicated to just one person-Priya Mathur!!

A bright sunny Saturday morning
Venue: School
Occasion/Event/"anything you wanna call it": PTM
Year: 1995

Two young kids helping their respective teachers with setting up the class for yet another "as always exciting" PTM...none of them probably knew that this day will open up a new chapter for them..a new one in the book called life...a chapter that they will continue writing in for the next 11 years and even more!!

That is when they met for the 1st time and struck a cord in eachother's heart...a string that continues delivering sweet music since then till now!!

They've had their share of "not-so-good" days (I refrain from saying "bad" because they never really have had those) but have always come out clean and sailing...Still an event of class 8th is fresh in the mind...but that rough time only made them grow closer...and nurtured their friendship!!

Priya's been a bed-rock..."rock of gibralter" all through the school life and somewhere deep down continues to be so...Only that the other one is bad and doesnot make efforts to stay in touch..even though she does want to and never gets her outta heart or thoughts, but this girl Priya,she's always been there trying to get those thoughts into a practical mode and this other one is so very thankful for that!!

Priya, this is the beginning of a brand new chapter in your life and I wish you all the best!! Even though I am bad at showing this but I am so very happy for you....and I will always be there for you, the way you have been!!May this new beginning bring you all the joy and happiness that you ever dreamt of...Every morning 1 of my prayer's is reserved just for you!!

I can safely say that I have found one of my sweetest and most cherished relationship's with you...I am so thankful for that Saturday...I am so thankful for you.....I am so thankful for "us"..

All the best and love you lots!!

The extreme Me!!

Just passing by and i thought i might just stop by for a few lines...a few songs..and a cup of tea!!
Well readin the title anyone might feel that this one post is gonna be a "bragging about me" session!!But it is...."not exactly"!!

There were things that fascinated me..there were things I thought happened to a selected few...there were things i thought were just so far away from me...But the more I thought I was untouched,the more "huggingly" close they seem now!!

Am sure someone out there is already feeling-Here she goes again with her (sumtimes) depressing nonsense talks- but its not depressing...mayb a little "no-sense" talk!!

The thing is lately I've discovered a talent in me...this is a bew found one!!
"The was i swing like a pendulum from one xtreme to another"

I had this notion of being so calm...having this knack of being unfrazzed by anything and everything but now I've realized that I am turning more into an-Either/Or mode...Either I have it or I dont...Either I am happy or I am not..Either I do it or I dont....there seems to be no Maybe in my dictionary now!!

Not sure how good this attitude is...actually it Either is good or it is not!!or should I settle down at -Maybe it is not bad even if its not that good!!

Well.....at the end of this so called "post" am not sure how much "sense" will it eventually make even to me!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Sometimes we lose our trust, sometimes we lose faith, sometimes we let the devil reign, sometimes all we see is black, sometimes, just sometimes, we forget what it really means to have friends!!

Maybe for a while we tend to find ourselves in the "forbidden forest" where its all about I, me, myself but then when we come back & find a bunch of people patietly waiting for us to come back and hold on to our hand just one more time, walk with us back to life, we realise what we had been missing!!

These are the people called F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They are the ones who make us realise life is beautiful and so are we- all together!!

I have learnt not to regret!! I believe every single experience makes us a better person, a better human being and a better friend!!

This is the journey from the "forbidden forest" to the "all bright world"!! A journey of finding friends from acquaintances, best friends from friends but most of all this was my journey of finding the "bestest" of friends from the ones who were just my best friends a while back!!

Life is so much more better, so much more brighter, so much more fun, so much more "Simple","Smooth" & "Solid".

Life is beautiful!!!!

Tanha

Dekhiye to lagta hai....
Zindagi ki raaho mein...
Ek bheed chalti hai.

Sochiye to lagta hai
Bheed mein sab tanha!!

Ye jo saare rishtey hai
Kaanch k khilone hai..
Chan se tut sakte hai...

Hojaye kaun kahan..
Jaane kaun kab tanha!!

Oft I had heard of Lucy Gray: And, when I crossed the wild, I chanced to see at break of day The solitary child. No mate, no comrade Lucy knew; She dwelt on a wide moor, --The sweetest thing that ever grew Beside a human door! You yet may spy the fawn at play, The hare upon the green; But the sweet face of Lucy Gray Will never more be seen. "To-night will be a stormy night-- You to the town must go; And take a lantern, Child, to light Your mother through the snow." "That, Father! will I gladly do: 'Tis scarcely afternoon-- The minster-clock has just struck two, And yonder is the moon!" At this the Father raised his hook, And snapped a faggot-band; He plied his work;--and Lucy took The lantern in her hand. Not blither is the mountain roe: With many a wanton stroke Her feet disperse the powdery snow, That rises up like smoke. The storm came on before its time: She wandered up and down; And many a hill did Lucy climb: But never reached the town. The wretched parents all that night Went shouting far and wide; But there was neither sound nor sight To serve them for a guide. At day-break on a hill they stood That overlooked the moor; And thence they saw the bridge of wood, A furlong from their door. They wept--and, turning homeward, cried, "In heaven we all shall meet;" --When in the snow the mother spied The print of Lucy's feet. Then downwards from the steep hill's edge They tracked the footmarks small; And through the broken hawthorn hedge, And by the long stone-wall; And then an open field they crossed: The marks were still the same; They tracked them on, nor ever lost; And to the bridge they came. They followed from the snowy bank Those footmarks, one by one, Into the middle of the plank; And further there were none! --Yet some maintain that to this day She is a living child; That you may see sweet Lucy Gray Upon the lonesome wild. O'er rough and smooth she trips along, And never looks behind; And sings a solitary song That whistles in the wind..

Excerpts from Lucy Gray- Willia Wordsworth

Some Days Are Like That!!

9.10.06
Yet another lazy monday morning....had to be the same....nothing different generally happens in the life that has turned monotonous ages back...but today it was not to be...The day was filled with events or rather a single event that held the whole day together...an event that was not all that pleasent...that still is not very pleasent to think of!!

No matter how stupid or funny or weird it made me feel, it still has left a 100 things on my mind that i need to think about!! It showed me a whole new "breed" (if i may be allowed to use this term) of man...a breed that i thought existed only in movies but i was in for a surprise as were many of my friends!!!

How persistent can a man be....how different can 2 people think or see things....Its strange....I am running short of words to express my amusement!!!

Friends...love....life.....are they such trivial matters, that even without giving much thought to anything we talk about giving them up or giving up everything for them????where have things like self esteem...pride.....self-worth gone????How hard is it to explain to a person that it takes two to tango????since when has the opinion of someone you are dealing with stopped getting any consideration???Since when has NO lost its meaning???

I always thought whatever the other person thinks...respect it...but i seem to have lost my faith in that..thanks to this one monday.....Boy what a day!!!

Live your life....full of love.....but not at the cost of your honour!!!

Right or Wrong!!

5th sept 2006
Jus day of my life...even though i knew it would surely bring about changes i am unwilling to adapt to but will have to for the benefit of two very important people in my life. One was ME, myself while the other.....the other part of me!!!

Sometimes we stand at the cross roads of life...where we have to make a few decisions....sum tough ones...decisions that just might change our lives...decisions that are sometimes not so good while as sometimes they are The best!!!

It is hard to figure out which way to go..what path to choose....sometimes all that is required for you is to take a stand and leave the rest to the one above....and i know....i might not be His 'bestest' child but am not the worst either!!! I know He'll make sure i've made the right decision for both...

This is a tough day...a tougher night lies ahead....n probably toughest times.....I just hope to sail through!!

And most of all..I just hope the times ahead bring happiness and calm to 'us'.

P.S:: To whom it concerns
I hope the intention is understood...All the best....The moments will always be cherished..They'll always be special!!

Probably all alone!!!

Alone....the topic of my new post too..how strange....is it me or is it the way things actually are....why do i feel am all alone???why do i feel left out??why do i feel not wanted????

This truely is a strange little world of thoughts!!! One moment i believe that i am a happy little kid and the other moment i feel like being tossed here and there....

Maybe i gotta learn to be content and happy with my ownself....afterall no one owes me anything!!!No one is obliged to take me in their life.....noone.....

Its just me, myself and noone else.....its just about me keeping myself happy.......but this is such a hard thing to do.....such an uphill task!!!!!

I just hope to do justice to this life that i have been given.......thats the least i can hope for!!

Alone!!!

Alone…after so long….its all so calm….its all so quite….its just me and no one else around!!
It feels like I somehow am enjoying this “silence” around me!! Giving me some time to relax…ponder……and write!!

Even though I don’t know what exactly I want to write about-is it my day so far, my vacations, my friends or just plain and simple ME…I’ve not figured it out yet!! But I think I am just going to follow my sweet little train of thoughts until it stops at a small station. A station filled with an intoxicating smell of rain that has just drenched the water thirsty land…….a station I gleefully would like to come to every now and then!!

Life’s a funny thing….sometimes you feel so left out while the very next moment nothing can be more exciting…that’s how things keep happening with me!!

Never has a day passed without me thinking a lot about it!! Sometimes I feel “not-needed”, sometimes I feel so alive, sometimes I am so excited, sometimes I am so lost….
No matter how hard I try but I just can’t seem to maintain the balance…..how ironic is that…..I am a Libran……my sign is that of a balance!!

I just realized how well I tried to write about “the station” but how hard it is for me to write about my life….write about me!!

Sometimes I feel how wonderful it would have been had I just stayed as a kid…..a kid so free…free not only in terms of independence but free from all of life’s tensions….

But guess I am just made for this kind of life……probably that’s how I like it- a rollercoaster ride….I am not the one who will be satisfied with a monotonous routine….

We all need a bit of spice in our lives….

And here it halts- my train!!

I realize it was a bumpy ride…it started from somewhere and ended somewhere else….but that’s ok…..I am glad the station it stopped at, is wonderfully fresh….it still is glistening with tiny droplets of water….the smell still is intoxicating….and the view, heavenly!!

A day to say Thank You

Some days are just like so wrong but in the end you just realize how right they are!! Such was 18^th July 2006.

It was raining too hard outside. Reminded me of the movie “truth about cats & dogs” well not for the actors but just for the phrase “cats & dogs” but as some one once said-“it rains cats & dogs in other parts of the world but its raining buffaloes here!!”

Well if “buffaloes” rained, they sure were raining in tons!!

Today I realized that two people together could actually be such a force!! Would have added on the third one too but forces of nature..didn’t let him be a party to it!!

It was a day full of fun, gossip, conspiracies, and laughs.. everything!!

It is so hard to decipher people, their actions. Why is it that 1 person becomes the center of attraction and others just surround him as though they are nothing but flies hovering over a lump of honey.

I know maybe the comparison is too ugly but that’s how things are many a times-ugly and irritating.

But who cares….when you have people around you know you can be with without such irritations creeping into your system, when you have people around who let you laugh on anything and everything that you want to, when you have people who will laugh with you..nothing else matters.

No matter how dull a day might seem, no matter how dark the sky is…. your friends always shine through and make everything bright. You tend to share a special bond with a few people who are not only your partners in something constructive, but also your partners in crimeJ

Those are the people who support you even though you know what you are doing is absolute madness.

And sometimes you just have to spare a few moments to thank them.

Thank you for a wonderful day.

That’s all I can say in the least. Short, sweet and simple- thank you

a friend- lost and found

Thought of writing about this a long time back but some how couldn’t get the right words to describe what I actually felt inside.
Searched the net for some real life experiences to know how people feel when they loose someone they’re close to, someone they love, someone they know, someone who just was there and was not supposed to leave!!
But could find none. Couldn’t find anything that could tell me how should I feel. Couldn’t find anyone who could tell me the way I was feeling was normal or not!! Even I have not been able to judge it till date- a month n 3 days later!!
So I finally decided just to write, write about both of us! Write about all of us!!
This is about my friend azhar hussain whom we lost on 23rd feb.2006.
My 1st recollection of our association goes back to 1995, when we actually interacted for the 1st tie. What an interaction that was!! Not too sweet to be remembered but now that he’s not with us any more, cant help thinking about not only the good memories that we made together but a few bad ones too…just cant let go off any memory that we made together!!
After class 5, I come straight to class 12th…this was when each and every single member of our class became friends. We faught, we laughed, we did everything together!!
And this is when me n azhar became real good friends!! A scholar of sorts he was really hard working when it came to studies n a cricket fan to the core! A great cricketer himself he won many accolades, every now and then!!
This is the azhar everyone knew, but beneath all this was a small little kid who was just waiting for his pair of wings to fly away into the wide blue sky. Beneath all this was a small kid with sparkling eyes, who wanted not everything under the sun but certain things that would’ve been enough to make his small little world shine bright forever.
He found happiness in such small little things that it made one realize how beautiful this life is, its just about seeing it the right way!!
Though we had not met for almost a year now but sometimes it’s just enough to know that a person is there…somewhere.. But now I know he’s nowhere, nowhere close where I can reach him.
Now we just meet, in our memories that we carefully crafted together!!
We are really going to miss this very special friend that we had. We, cause I speak for each and every one who ever knew him. This is how everyone must b feeling at this moment; cause Azhar made each one of us feel very special in our own way!!
So this is it, I owed him these few minutes which I spent writing about him.
Though he’ll never be around physically but he can never literally leave us.
Though I lost a friend, yet I think I found a person who'll never be not remembered or lost!!
May his soul rest in peace.