Ik Nazm..

yeh raah bahut aasan nahi...
jis raah par haath chuda kar tum...
yun tan0tanha chal nikali ho...
is khauf se shayad raah bhatak jao na kahin...
har maud par maine nazm khadi kar rakhi hai....

thak jao agar---
aur tumko zaroorat pad jae...
ik nazm ki ungali thaam kar wapis aajaana...


-Gulzar

Numbers.......

17
22
24
29
31
1
27
25
1
........

Of cinderellas and belles......

I hope i live this dream...till I have the fairy tale ending........

--Blank--

Have you ever felt like holding on to something for a little longer..a lifetime probably?? Ever felt like undoing and then redoing certain things so that it would all be 'fairy tale' kinds?? Ever felt that you need a complete revamp of sorts?? Ever felt that things need a change, but most importantly, its you who needs a complete change?? Ever felt how absolutely incapable you are, of handling situations, handling people?? Ever felt how absolutely incapable you are of handling happiness, leave alone passing it on to others?? Ever felt miserably distant from something you were at a distance 'huggingly' close?? Ever felt that anything and everything that matters is nowhere in sight?? Ever felt absolutely impossible to be the way you want to be?? Ever felt blank and bursting with thoughts, feelings and emotions at the same time?? Ever felt like just running away..forever and ever and ever??? Ever felt like talking but with no words?? Ever felt like nothing??

Mora Saiyan mose bole na - Fuzon

Saawan Beeto Jaye Pe Harwa
Mann Mera Ghabraye
Aeso Gaye Pardes Piya Tum
Cheyn Humain nahin Aye

Mora Saiyaan moh sey bolay Na
Laakh Jatan Kar Haar Rahi
Mora Saiyyan Moh Say Bolay Na

Tu Jo Nahin to Aisay Piya hum
Jaisay Soona Aanganaa
Nain Tehaari Rah Neeharey
Nainnan Ko Tarsaona

Pyar Tumhain Kitna Kartay Hain
Tum Yeh Samajh Nahin Pao gay
Jab Hum Na Hongay to Peharwa
Bolo Kya Tab Aao gay

Mora Saiyaan moh Sey Bolay Na
Laakh Jatan Kar Haar Rahi

Hope against hope hopen....

I never really liked this phrase - " Hope against hope hopen", though it always made that 'xing thing' sound..if you know what I mean....But it now seems that the 'xing thing' actually has become the 'jinxed thing' for me...

Do we actually hope against hope?? And what happens then?? Does the hope win or the 'against hope' part return victorious?? Silly questions with am sure no answers whatsoever!

Guess its just a state of mind that I am in right now, which aint that 'sunny'!!! Actually i am trying to contemplate whether it is me or the forces around which are not in the 'best of health and spirits'!!

To All Who End Up Reading This:: Kindly do not think a lot!! Just a phase when I write just for my understanding!

Just a bit longer....

Just read it somewhere-

"Leaf's departure is because of the wind's pursuit. Or because the tree didn't ask her to stay......"

Simple and yet so true...Sometimes, even if we want to hold on to something, for just a bit longer, it is what we want that matters....It is whether that wants to stay on with us or not....It does not always matter whether you want to let go or not. Sometimes its the other way round!

Sweet temptation syndrome!

I think i love chocolates for precisely 2 reasons...

one off course cause i love them! (How obvious was that ;) ) But more than that..the other reason strikes out...its probably 1 of the most relaxing therapies that I have ever found to calm me down....

Its wrong but I somehow am addicted to this chocolate thingy! There are times when you feel absolutely helpless and down and out kinds....I think more than anything I desparately need a chocolate then....I am addicted....

And if this is addiction..then I think I am addicted...addicted to you! (that goes beyond chocolates :))

Some days are like that.....

How many times do we get that too good too bad feeling???? I do...almost always..either the world seems such a beautiful place...its like that 'heaven on earth' kinda feeling or it tends to be the 'hellish' experience! But the heavenly ones always help you leave behind the hellish ones...and thats not intentional off course..but it just happens..I think its with all, not just me..that we tend to get all 'high' on the 'good' part...but with me..i guess i just live those moments...and then re-live them...again and again and again...thats how I am, I guess...living the fairy tale over and over again....probably this makes the bad ones worst....

Why cant we just be happy....content....always....why do we need to be a part of those situations where in you cant really help anything..its that helpless feeling....we dont really need that! I dont for sure.....But no one ever has been able to run away from those...

There always are those highs and lows......but its the lows which actualy make the highs 'high'....if that makes any sense!!!!!!!I think it does to me.....;)

But the lows for me..are just too low to actually get out of sometimes!!! I think have had enough of these..i need a little high for sumtime..a lifetime wud do......and not many things or people can give me that!

Words...

"She whispered his name with the deliberation of a child trying out the distinct sounds. When he replied with her name, it sounded like a new word- the syllables remained the same, the meaning was different. Finally he spoke the three simple words that no amount of bad art or bad faith can ever quite cheapen. She repeated them, with exactly the same slight emphasis on the second word, as though she were the one to say them first. He had no religious belief but it was impossible not to think of an invisible witness or presence in the room, and that these words spoken aloud were like signatures on an unseen contract."

Guncha Koi.....

A perfect song...for some of the choicest moments!

Guncha Koi- Mohit Chauhan:

Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Tum jaisa nahi koi is jahan mein,Subah ko teri julf ne shaam kar diya.....Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya... Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Mehfil bar bar idhar, dekha kiye,Aankhon k jazeeron ko mere naam kar diya…Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya... Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Hum toh tehre tere dar ke fariyadi,
Teri aadaon ne mera chain hai liya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Aati hai halke se aahat teri jo,
Khilta hai sun ke mera jism aur jiya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Aankho mai har pal tujhko rakhu mai,
Neend mai bhi humne tera deedar hai kiya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Honth hai ke jaise koi chalka pemana,
Bin piye hi mujhko to sanam hai hua nasha...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Tum jaisa koi nahin is jahan mein,
Subah ko teri zulfon ne shaam kar diyaaaa...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Hosh bekhabar se hue un ke bager,
Hum jo unse keh na sake dil ne keh diya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Bheja hai Khudane mujhe chahne tujhe,
Chahat mai teri sanam har pal hu mai luta...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Hai nahi karna mujhe koi gila,
Kismat ne jo mujhse tujhe dur hai kiya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Bhulana tujhko hai sanam mushkil bada,
Pemana bhi kambhakt mujhe dikhlata chehra ye tera...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Gum jaise dost koi sath rehta hai,
Lagta hai darr ab mujhe sunke khushiyon ki sada...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Nazrana dard ka jo humko hai mila,
Itna hi kasoor mera ke ishq hai kiya...
Gunja koi tere naam kar diya,
Sakhi ne fir se mera jaam bhar diya...
Gunja koiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Shauk hai......Guru

Somehow this is one song that exactly describes how I feel most of the times....or so I feel.........

Raat ka shauk hai

Raat ki saundhi si khamoshi ka
Shauk hai

Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai
San sani anwlon ka
Ke ishq ke banwlon ka
San sani anwle
Ke ishq ke banwle
Barf se khelte badolon ka
Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi Khel hi khel mein kho gayi hoti
Raat ka shauk hai
Neend ki goliyon ka
Khwab ke loriyon ka
Neend ki goliyan
Khwab ke loriyan
Bezubaan aus ki boliyon ka
Shauk hai
Kaash ye zindagi binkahe binsune so gayi hoti
Subha ki roshni
Bezubaan subho ki aur gungunati
Roshni ka Shauk hai, ho shauk hai

Once upon a time.....we had a time machine!

Just today, that person who had instilled in me the ‘blogging bug’, has yet again invoked the ‘writer’ in me…

This one’s for u Puru… :)

I remember having had started my writings; if I may call them so, with purpose of life and sorts…life has come a complete circle….oh alright! I know your expression precisely…m not starting off with my ‘non-sense-depressing-talks’ here….rather m just contemplating the fact that how after so many years, of growing up, turning into a mature adult, I am back to my basic self…back to something I am best at….something absolutely true to my heart & me, myself….back to being a kid that I was….long long ago…..once upon a time…in the never never land!!! :) Am back to being the Thumbelina and belle…..back to being me!

seems like i've just made a trip into the time machine and have decided to stay there......where I belong!

:)

Paradise lost......and re-built!!

Have already changed the starting 3 tmies...I somehow can't figure out how to begin....but somehow listening to mission kashmir's song today, I just couldn't help but think about my 'roots' so to say.....

I was really young when we left Srinagar...in senior KG...but there still are many 'sights' etched perfectly in my memory as if I was there, present, just about..umm...yesterday!

The house we lived in...all of us..it was so huge.....with a 'wonderfully' big, very well maintained garden in front...lots of roses and panzies and 'dog-flowers'...(the name used to make me wonder do they actually bark...but to my diasspointment, they didnt.. ;-) )....the garden was fenced by lush green evergreen....Trust me...it was a huge place... :) I think I loved it... :)

Now the interiors...ummm....A verandah to start with....this place holds a lot of 'not-so-pleasent' memories for me....was responsible for giving me my 'mark'...the house had a staircase inside..that smelt of the freshly painted paint (what an irony!!)..I think it was painted pink..or magenta...we had that 'tring tring' phone to support the decor..if u know what I mean... :) MY room was to ur left, as soon as u entered the house...towards the rite hand side was the living room...go straight and left would have the 'bedding' room and right would be my grand-parents's room (I wonder if the english is right!! :-O)..

As I was 'known' for my 'socialising' skills, I think I remember quite a few of my neighbours houses as well....that was a nice place......really nice...though I have hardly spent any time there, but it was more 'homely' to me than the places that I have shifted into over the last 18yrs or so...

This house of mine was brought down on the 26th of January, 1991...the last remains in the valley.... I dont know was it good or bad, that we moved to this 'metro'...Most people might think I no longer 'belong' to that place called 'Srinagar, Kashmir'....after all I have spent most of my life here...there is no 'connection'...But am sure I'll have people who know me agreeing when I say that I feel I am more 'kashmiri' that probably most of the 'proper kashmiris', if not more, no less for sure!! :)

But I love it here as well...I love where I am...where I have been...where I have reached....I love everything about everything.....I am a happy soul....my paradise was never lost I guess..... :)
Hail Kashmir!! :D

Of fire & smoke & the valley....

Dhuan dhuan....dhuan dhuan....dhuan dhuan....dhuan hi dhuan...

Ye saazishein dishaon ki..

Ye saazishen hawaan ko!

Lahu lohan ho gayi...

Zameen ye devtaon ki!

Na shankh ki sdaen hain, na ab sada azan ki

Nazar meri zameen ko, lagi hai asmaa ki!

Hain dar badar ye log kyun..

Jalen hain kyun makaan!

Ye kisne aag daal di..

Hai narm narm ghaas par!

Likha hua hai zindagi, yahan har ek lash par....

Ye takht ki ladai hai, ye kursiyun ki jang hai..

Yeh begunah khoon bhi, siyasaton ka rang hai!

Lakeer khench di gayi, dilon k darmiyan!!

- Mission Kashmir

The Enchanted!

Once upon a time there lived a prince...and a beautiful damsel.....they met, & fell in love....the wicked qween....could'nt bear to see her crown be taken away from her...she sent the damsel to a place where there are no 'happily ever afters'.......
Aaaaaaaaa.....

It still feels so wonderful to be a part of some place called 'Andolasia'...to be a part of the princes & the princesses...to be a part of 'happily ever afters'...for ever and ever......

Saw the movie Enchanted just yesterday and what a fun-filled, 'satisfying' experience that was....It took away all the 'pressures' and 'worries' of this 'not-so-nice' world....made me a kid again...made me wanna dream of the fairies and the tales...took me back to a place in time where I had built a palace of my own...where it was all so rosy & pink....It made me get back to the 'real' me-the 'kid' me...

It was an excellent movie to watch..hope to catch more of these filcks every now and then....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

(If u're wondering what this 'aaaaaaaaa' is, go watch enchanted ASAP!!) :-D

'Smilies' all the way.....

Smilies.....we never bother to actually spare a thought for these small combinations of 'special characters', do we...and its absolutely unfair that I, of all people, have never actually given them a 'special mention'...

:-), ;-), :-O, :-D..etc...etc.....etc....these combinations have become an 'integral' part of my existance I feel...seriously...these are one of those 'trademark-me' symbols....My sentances start & end with them....my expressions start & end with them...my thought take their 1st flight & these are the end...(maybe a bit of exaggeration here!;-)) But seriously I fail to understand how..absolutely HOW...can a person not include them in their conversations??!!

People find it strange but I find it extremely hard to actually write a proper sentence without giving these smilies their due importance!!! Genuinely!! Even if its writing a mail to the manager I need their help!!! Seriously...they shud..must..become an official letter writing symbol!!

Don't know about all...but I am absolutely in love with them!! :)

Time of my life..................

I always thought leaving behind people was tough....a thought that came to me as a matter-of-fact rather than something that had been a part of me! But I guess, unlike most of the times (keeping in view the recent past), I was right! Though somewhere down the line, in the initial 'changing' years of mine, I'd got myself to beleive that everything & everyone is momentarily yours, but I guess its just not in me to be a mere spectator... I get attached to things...to people...to situations...to everything...extremely easily...and I know it so well that it is NOT good....not good for someone like me...who tends to act in the spur of the moment!

I guess there have been enough situations & I have learnt to learn...the hard way i.e. But now I think its time...time for a complete 'revamp' of sorts... I have been there..done that...and now all I wanna be a part of is 'me'...No more letting others lead the way...I am a big girl now... On the cross-roads, when I find myself there, there would be just one voice leading my way.....and that would be mine!! :)

Alvidaaaaaaaa.............

chupake se kahin, dheeme paanv se
jaane kis taraf, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye hamse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi the yahin
kuchh bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvida..

Always in your life, at different stages..at different phases...at different moments..you come across songs which actually seem to translate into music your exact state of mind & thought!Always there are those 'few' songs which seem to speak the 'unspoken' realities of your life. Not neccesarily the timing of the song coincides with the timing of your life's 'happenings' though.

Well i've just found out..recent revelation of sorts...that I actually am hooked on to this song....hence this teeny meeny post! :)

A new beginning..

This is a new beginning. A brand new chapter has been opened in my life! I dont know how to react. This was totally unexpected, not that I would'nt have ventured into this part of life, but cause this was not the place I had expected myself to be in.



A month ago, at a cross-section, I made a choice, a choice to let go of 1 thing, in anticipation of achieving something else.



There were 2 things that needed to be taken care of, now that 1 has been, the other remains. I know I should now get started, but somehow I am constantly giving myself time, which I know is slipping away fast.



Now that I think that things r running as planned, all I need to do is concentrate a biy and just go for it.